Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Brokenhearted, Crushed, Hurt....


Those are just a few words to express how I felt yesterday. We got a message from the orphanage that our file has NOT gone to get the passport printed like they said. Instead it is being sent back to the last step in the process. How can this happen? I spent several hours crying off and on. My kids kept asking me why I was crying. I finally told Matthew that it was "big people stuff" and he probably wouldn't understand (I didn't want to get him discouraged and wasn't sure if he would understand.) Then he looked me in the eye and said "Is it going to take longer for Michael to come home?" (I can't even type that without tears.) I had to tell him yes. He really is having a hard time with the waiting. I could tell when we called Michael last week that it was difficult for Matthew. I went to my parents for dinner and I couldn't even put much food on my plate, because I hurt so bad. My mom asked what was going on and all I could do was cry. I don't understand how a little boy that has legally been my son since May can't come home for me to take care of.
Last night before we put the kids to bed, we read our Bible story and started singing. It was difficult to sing at first. Then I was ready to be done and Alisha announced that she wanted to sing "Pharoah's men". I was a bit confused and didn't know what she was talking about. So I asked her to sing it. Aaron picked up on it fairly quickly then and we figured out what she meant. This is the song:

Well it’s a story about Paul and Silas how they were bound and thrown into jail

They kept on praying, they did not worry, they served a God who could not fail.

And then at midnight God sent and earthquake

That whole foundation began to shake

Those prison doors flew open wide

And Paul and Silas stepped outside.


Chorus:

Yes, He delivered me in my time of need

Like those Hebrew children from that fiery flame

Like He fed five thousand with two fishes and bread

And He walked on the water

And He raised the dead

Well He stood by Daniel in the lion’s den

And He saved old Moses from Pharoah’s men

He opened the eyes of the blind to see

I know that He’ll deliver me.


Well it was David my God delivered when before Goliath he did stand

He took no armor he took no weapons, just five stones and a sling in his hand.

When he went running to meet that army

He met the Philistine man that stood mighty and tall

He said I come in the name of the Lord

And how that mighty man did fall.


Chorus:

Yes, He delivered me in my time of need

Like those Hebrew children from that fiery flame

Like He fed five thousand with two fishes and bread

And He walked on the water

And He raised the dead

Well He stood by Daniel in the lion’s den

And He saved old Moses from Pharoah’s men

He opened the eyes of the blind to see

I know that He’ll deliver me.

He opened the eyes of the blind to see

I know that He’ll deliver … me.

As I started singing that, I realized that in spite of the pain I have to trust God. I have to keep on praying. I DO serve a God who cannot fail. I then spend some time reading some Psalms. My head is filled with doubts, but my heart is giving those doubts and fears over to God. I have a sense of peace in spite of the pain. Please continue to pray for Michael's health and safety. His arms are starting to look better, but they still have quite a few marks on them from that rash that he had before. My arms ache to hold him and love him and pray that God will grant him a peace when he comes home so that he can bond with our family quickly.

3 comments:

Amy said...

Hi, boy do I ever know how you feel. We did this two weeks ago. It blows my mind that this nightmare won't seem to end. I don't know if we're going forward or backward but at least they seem to know where our file is. Hang in there and remember to praise the Lord anyway and "prepare for rain."
Amy

ChatterboxLS. said...

i sing that song at our church all the time ("he'll deliver me") & love the words, thanks for reminding everyone of them

lori (http://fromourbunchtoyours.blogspot.com/)

Family by Love said...

chatterbox, if you read this can you tell me if you know where I could get music for this song. I learned it in the dorm when I was in college. My roommates sang it all the time and I fell in love with it. I learned the words, but I didn't know the title and I don't know how to get music for it.
Ruth